Cerita Baru

Assalamualaikum..dah lama rasanya saya tinggalkan blog ni..tiba2 terasa nak menulis pula hari ni..

Ingin saya menceritakan pengalaman saya terutamanya ketika melahirkan putera sulung saya baru2 ni..

Saya telah bernikah dgn suami saya pada bulan November 2012. Kami memang duduk berjauhan kerana suami kerja di Selangor, saya kerja di Johor. Dua bulan lps pernikahan sy disahkan mengandung. Saya cuma membuat ujian air kencing setelah 'housemate' saya ketika itu perasan saya lebih mudah marah...lalu menasihati saya supaya membuat ujian tersebut..

Gembiranya saya..saya mesej suami sy dulu..suami terus menelefon saya dan dia pun turut gembira..

Pada awal kandungan saya mmg tiada masalah..tak silap saya apabila usia kandungan dalam 6-7bulan, doktor cakap baby kecil berdasarkan scan..dalam fikiran saya..mcm mana boleh kecik? Nak kata tak cukup makan, rasanya cukup..sedangkan loya atau muntah2 pun saya tak alami..mungkin masih awal lg atau mungkin anggaran berat melalui scan tu xbetul..

Kemudian masuklah bulan ramadhan..alhamdulillah dgn izin Allah dpt sy berpuasa penuh.walaupun melalui scan baby kecil tapi yg lain2 semua ok..baby aktif..sy bekerja seperti biasa. Adakala saya kena bekerja lebih 24jam nungkin 33-34 jam..tidurnya mungkin sejam ke 2jam...penatnya semakin terasa..

Apabila kandungan berusia hampir 39minggu, saya diperiksa lg dan didapati air ketuban sudah berkurangan..saya di'induce' dgn ubat apabila kandungan 39minggu 1hari..pada pukul 7pg..

Cepat betul kesannya..dalam pukul 8 sudah terasa 'regular contraction'. Sy masih boleh tahan lagi malah sy berjalan2 di dalam wad dgn harapan dpt memudahkan proses kelahiran..dalam pukul 11.30 sakit makin terasa lebih kuat dan kerap..dlm 3kali dlm 10minit. Pada saat itu air ketuban pecah..warna air ketuban xjernih sebab baby sudah berak di dalam perut..itu menandakan yg baby sudah stress..doktor periksa bukaan baru 1cm..dan dia menasihatkan supaya dibedah..sy setuju..

Pada waktu itu malu pada staffnurse dan doktor dilupakan..Sakitnya...tak terkata..bila doktor cucuk ubat bius di antara tulang belakang..nak kata sakit tidak..cuna sakit contraction yg tak tertahan..saya disuruh oleh dr bius supaya relaks dan lembutkan badan semasa contraction tu dan dicucuk sebyk 6kali sbb xdpt..dia kata sy xrelaks..mcm mana lanak relaks..operation berjalan lancar..gembira xterkata sehingga mengalirkan air mata bila mendengar suara tangisan pertama baby ku..saya xnampak muka baby cuma ditunjukkan kpd sy jantina baby sehinggalah sy sampai di wad baru sy nmpk wajah baby..

Saya cuba bg susu badan dlm keadaan baring dan kaki sampai ke pinggang terasa lumpuh akibat kesan bius..beberapa jam lps tu br terasa sakitnya kesan operation itu..pinggang sakit..terasa rahim pun sakit..serba xkena..baring menelentang sakit..mengiring pun sakit..nak duduk pun sakit..suami ada untuk membantu..nak bg susu badan pada baby pun susah..ada minta pada jururawst supaya beri top up feeding kpd baby tp mereka xbg pd awalnya..sehingga baby hypo 2-3kali br nak bagi..esoknya baby kena tahan wad NICU sbb kuning tinggi..

Perasaan sy susah nak digambarkan masa tu..kesian pada baby..sakit slps operation..nak bergerak pun susah..nak menyusukan baby pun xpandai..nak mandi pun suami tolong mandikan..tp sy gagahkan juga..sy duduk dgn baby di NICU selama seminggu..alhamdulillah..baby keluar wad pada hari merdeka...

Sekarang baby alhamdulillah membesar dgn sihat..pada awalnya hati mudah terasa dgn kata2 org..kenapa baby kecik? Mak xcukup mkn me? Mak xsihat ke? Baby kecik tp operate jugak..Susu badan xcukuo urk naikkan berat badannya..susu badan xkenyang, kesian kat baby..terasa seolah-olah baby kecik dan kuning disebabkan salah saya dan seolah-olah susu badan sy xbagus..ada juga sy menangis berkali2..tp ditahankan juga dan ditebalkan telinga sy ni..xkisahlah apa org nak kata..syukur alhamdulillah sy dianugerahkan seorang putera yg sihat, comel..walaupun kecik itu semua kehendak Allah..tentu ada hikmah di sebaliknya..tak perlulah kita mempersoalkan kenapa..dan semoga segala kesulitan, dugaan dan kesakitan yang sy lalui menjadi kifarah dosa2 yg lalu...

Grateful...

I am most grateful to have someone in my life. He is my other half. Who would have think that he will become my husband. He is not perfect. I am not perfect. But I just love him dearly..no reasons...
He is never my dream guy. But he is even better. He is real..He may not be superior in terms of career..but he complements me with my career..he supports me...He has a good heart..he is a caring person..thank you Allah..
I will always love you abang...

manusia biasa

adakalanya terasa stress di waktu bekerja...rasa tak mampu untuk menanggung tanggungjawab yg besar ni...terutamanya bila berhadapan dgn pesakit yg betul2 sakit..nampak lemah..dan pada masa yg sama tak tahu apa yg boleh sy offer..yg boleh sy beri utk rawatan pesakit tu..

waktu mcm ni la terasa sgt down..rasa tak mampu nak meneruskan kerja ni lg..rasa nak putus asa..

i need a shoulder to cry on...dan sy berharap ada org yg sanggup sekurang kurangnya mendengar..berkongsi dan memahami perasaan ni..dan bila waktu sy hampir putus asa, ada org yg tidak akan putus asa dgn sy

rasa tak larat dah..sy hanya manusia biasa...

Serba tak kena

haaiii..tak tahulah apa nak jadi dengan diri sendiri..hari ni semua benda serba tak kena je..sejak kebelakangan ni asyik nak marah je..tapi saya kalau marah saya tak suarakan..saya pendam..muka masam..saya tak mahu suarakan sebab tak baik marah-marah tapi bila diri ni dah termakan dengan marah sendiri, sakit hati bertambah-tambah, orang lain pun tersinggung. tak tahulah..cepat sangat marah ni..saya dah lama tak marah-marah macam ni..orang kata kalau mood ni 'labile' sangat meaning kejap-kejap 'bad mood', kejap-kejap gembira pulak, adalah tu..mungkin stress ke..mungkin saya memang stress kot. walaupun duduk rumah tak buat apa-apa sangat, agaknya banyak sangat benda fikir dalam kepala ni..

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku..ampunilah aku hamba lemah serba kekurangan yang amat sangat..aku nak jadi anak solehah..

5% of one of my mission accomplished!still looonnggg waaayyy to go...

Path chosen

In life, there will always be choices, a path to be chosen, to be taken. It is either this or that. Either the bad one or the good one..or rather the easy one or the difficult/hard one. Maybe the one that interest you or the one that does not. Decision wise...well, that depends..it is either you independently make the decision or influenced by other factors..

Since young, most decisions were made especially by your parents. Well, at least, mostly were influenced by your parents. Would you agree? And as you grew older, you learned to make your own choices. Maybe for me, I realized decision is actually mine to make was after the SPM examination. What is it that you want to become? A doctor? I am now a medical doctor but have I always dreamt of becoming one? I don't think so..Of course, I have to admit when I was in primary school-I'm sure you are familiar with the 'record book'-I wrote down doctor as my ambition in the 'cita-cita' section. I just thought that it is a glamorous and noble job..second on the list engineer..the third one..architect. However, I don't think that really came from my heart.

After SPM I thought I am never going to do something that is related to Biology..I prefer Physics and Maths..actually i like those subjects. However, opportunity came..sponsorship to further studies overseas in medicine. Who would have chosen to decline the opportunity? I think only the headstrongs would. And those who knew from the beginning what they want to do or knew from the beginning the purpose of living. I never knew that..even now still. It seemed blur to me. So I just 'go with the flow'. Let the 'arus' take me instead I can swim against the 'arus'. Few doctors my friends and I met during the preparation time before going abroad..they would say.."betul ke nak jadi doktor ni?dah fikir masak-masak ke?"

My father told me about his doctors friends. How each has different aims or should I say mindset which drives them to be what they have become. One of them really wanted to help people. Another wanted an easier life and more quality time with family. Another wanted to make lots of money. Some of them even have other side jobs or should I say 'hobbies' maybe to make life more interesting. For example, rearing goats. Well, I guess life does not end just there. Like that's it. You are a doctor and you are dead. No! You can have something else if you work for it. You can make life as a doctor more interesting if you know how to. You can make any other job interesting if you want to.

Becoming a doctor however is not an easy thing to do..When you don't have any other commitments..such as family and children, maybe it is easier. Especially to juggle the time between work and family. It is not easy for me as well to accept that I am a doctor because I don't think I ever wanted to become a doctor. There is no turning back time. All you can do is look and move forward. You can still choose not to work as a doctor and become something else. Or you can still choose to specialize in any field that you like. It is not the end. There are still many choices to take. Physicians, lecturers, pathologists, surgeons, radiologists, general practitioners, etc. All you have to do is work hard towards it. And if you don't have in mind what do you want to become, 'dah alang kepalang dah jadi doktor...daripada tak buat apa-apa atau tak tahu nak buat apa kan lebih elok diri ni digunakan untuk berkhidmat untuk orang.' If your aim to get money by becoming a doctor..forget about it. Well, not just doctor..maybe other jobs too. If you feel you want to help people, your life will be better. You'll get satisfaction out of it.

My entry this time is very terrible. English isn't so good. 'Penyusunan ayat dan isi lagi lah..tak payah cakaplah teruknya.' I'm sorry about that. I need to improve my english and essay writing as well.

WHAT-EHV-ERRR.....haha

'Whatever' so totally tops most annoying word poll

By MICHAEL HILL, Associated Press Writer Michael Hill, Associated Press Writer – Wed Oct 7, 3:25 pm ET

So, you know, it is what it is, but Americans are totally annoyed by the use of "whatever" in conversations.

The popular slacker term of indifference was found "most annoying in conversation" by 47 percent of Americans surveyed in a Marist College poll released Wednesday.

"Whatever" easily beat out "you know," which especially grated a quarter of respondents. The other annoying contenders were "anyway" (at 7 percent), "it is what it is" (11 percent) and "at the end of the day" (2 percent).

"Whatever" — pronounced "WHAT'-ehv-errr" when exasperated — is an expression with staying power. Immortalized in song by Nirvana ("oh well, whatever, nevermind") in 1991, popularized by the Valley girls in "Clueless" later that decade, it is still commonly used, often by younger people.

It can be an all-purpose argument-ender or a signal of apathy. And it can really be annoying. The poll found "whatever" to be consistently disliked by Americans regardless of their race, gender, age, income or where they live.

"It doesn't surprise me because 'whatever' is in a special class, probably," said Michael Adams, author of "Slang: The People's Poetry" and an associate professor of English at Indiana University. "It's a word that — and it depends how a speaker uses it — can suggest dismissiveness."

Adams, who was not involved in the poll and is not annoyed by "whatever," points out that its use is not always negative. It also can be used in place of other, neutral phrases that have fallen out of favor, like "six of one, half dozen of the other," he said.

But the negative connotation might explain why "whatever" was judged more annoying than the ever-popular "you know," which was recently given a public workout by Caroline Kennedy during her flirtation with the New York U.S. Senate seat vacated by Hillary Rodham Clinton. "You know," Adams notes, is a way for speakers to seek assent from others.

Pollsters at the Poughkeepsie, N.Y. college surveyed 938 U.S. adults by telephone Aug. 3-Aug 6. The margin of error is 3.2 percentage points. The five choices included were chosen by people at the poll discussing what popular words and phrases might be considered especially annoying, said spokeswoman Mary Azzoli.

Haha..taken from

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091007/ap_on_re_us/us_fea_lifestyles_annoying_words